How to Stregthen Our Personal Boundaries
Our personal boundaries begin to evolve as toddlers and continue to shift and change as we develop more awareness around what feels good or bad, safe or unsafe.
As someone who suffered from low self esteem and the need to please for the first part of my life, the idea of developing healthy personal boundaries both confused and terrified me.
My earliest memories are of putting other peoples’ happiness and wellbeing before mine.
The result?
I met a lot of people that liked me and a lot of people that walked all over me.
I completely lost touch with my needs and how I was really feeling.
Fast forward to now and I’m no longer that person. There’s so much great information available to support in developing healthy personal boundaries but for now I’d like to share three things I’ve learned along the way that are key to setting healthy boundaries and taking care of ourselves.
Know Your Limits
In order to create healthy boundaries for ourselves, we want to know our limits; the line between what feels ok and what does not. This includes physically, emotionally and energetically.
In order to have healthy relationships we need to have a clear idea of what we personally feel is acceptable and what is not. Helpful tools to get clear on what our limits include journaling, reflecting on how we’re feeling at the end of each day, coursework or working with a therapist.
Tune Into Your Feelings
Understanding and accepting how we’re feeling is key to a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. Are we feeling calm and secure? Or are we feeling anxious, angry or taken advantage of?
Next, we want to give ourselves permission to feel whatever it is we’re feeling, without judgment. Our feelings are our inner compass. If we pay attention to what’s going on inside, it’s so much easier to navigate the outside world around us. Our feelings let us know when our boundaries are being crossed.
Checking in with ourselves throughout the day or engaging in a five-minute self awareness practice each day are great ways to get in touch with how you're feeling.
Make Self-Care a Priority
For many, this is a tough one. When we’re children, we have parents or caregivers to care for us. When we’re adults, it’s up to us. But if it’s not something that comes naturally, it can be challenging. As it is, we don’t usually make the necessary changes until we’re faced with a crisis.
The good news is, it’s never too late to start!
A few things I've found helpful include positive affirmations and beginning to replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Both take willingness and maybe a bit of a “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude at first. When we begin to feel better about ourselves, self-care comes naturally and our boundaries become more clear for both ourselves and others.
We all deserve to feel safe and secure and to be treated with kindness and respect.
